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If you are reading this, you are probably a NICU mom or dad that was fighting this hard battle or you are still fighting it. Maybe you know someone who was or is in such a situation. I know how you feel. This time, I will share my personal story with you and how it was for me.
I was pregnant when I was 24 years old. Now I am 26, and I still have PTSD after our NICU journey. I delivered my son at 26 weeks. You can imagine how small he was. Of course, such small children aren’t able to breathe on their own, so they need medical help.
My pregnancy was great and there were no complications at all. We were very happy, married, expecting our little boy, preparing our house and so on. One day, I experienced weird pain in my stomach. I immediately went to my gynecologist who said how I am panicking without any particular reason. It was my first baby so I thought that he knows what he is doing.
But, soon after I have left his office, an ambulance transported me to the hospital because I fell down on the street. It all happened very quickly and there we were. I delivered my son ”naturally” with vacuum extraction. I was crying all the time as I saw him so little and helpless. There were no reasons why that happened, that is all the doctors were told me after my delivery.
So, what happened later is that we have spent 6 months in the hospital with our son. You cannot believe how much stress, fear and anger you experience every single moment. He had many troubles with breathing because his lungs weren’t ready to breathe outside of the womb.
Moms in NICU doesn’t get any support! You are just a number there to them. If you ask anything about your baby the doctors are always trying to hide some diagnosis. Then, you hear it from some friend or a relative and start panicking even more. They don’t comfort you. They just act like they are working in a shoe store.
I remember how I argued with so many doctors all the time and they told me how they see me only as a food for the baby. But, my baby couldn’t eat like that, he was so weak for breastfeeding. You can imagine how I felt all those 6 months there.
My son died after 7 months in the hospital from bronchiolitis. I want to encourage moms and dads which are in the NICU to ask for a professional help. Try to find a psychologist that would guide you through such a hard process. I believe in you all. Don’t let my story discourage you. Most of the children went out perfectly fine or with small health problems. But, we weren’t that lucky.
I wish you all the best and know that your baby feels everything. Believe in yourself and your little angel! And please, ask for a professional psychologists help. You will be fine!