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The Jerks in our lives may be the reason for our daily headaches and heartbreaks, but a few of us still manage to keep them around longer than they deserve. Why do you ask? Well, the reasons for that might be deeply rooted in your psychological behavior but thanks to a Stanford Professor and Author you are going to get all your answers mentioned in the points below.One of the biggest reasons why we fail to kick these people out of our lives is DENIAL. We continuously keep lying to ourselves that it isn’t as bad as it looks. “Maybe I am over thinking.” We also try to tell ourselves that things are better than before which again isn’t exactly correct. Sigh! Here is a clue to accurately determine the time when things seem to be as bad as they are. Believe us when we tell you that when you find yourself asking this question you’re probably already there.
Next is FALSE HOPE! Being an optimist is a great thing, and you should be proud to be one. But honestly, some things are just not going to get better with your belief. The jerks in your lives are programmed a little differently than you and have already adapted the skill set that has helped them take advantage of you on several occasions before.
Then WAITING FOR TOMORROW. “She is going through a tough time right now. I will leave once things are a little stable.” These jerks have developed the habit of getting themselves into uncomfortable situations. In fact, that is where their behavior lands them each time.
If you keep waiting for things to get better or a ‘little stable,’ then you might as well remain forever. You, my dear, have the battle to fight and to procrastinate it is just going to make the enemy get into a better position.
The next reason is SELF RIGHTEOUS SUFFERING. “No relationship is perfect. At least I have it better than so many people so I really can’t complain.” Self Righteous Suffering is terrible for you in so many ways. Honestly, just because some people are unfortunate to have it worse than you, that does not mean you stay in a traumatizing relationship with this person.
In a relationship, everyone deserves peace of mind, someone to laugh around at the dinner table, and someone who will fight your demons with you, not someone who sucks the entire energy out of you.
This is closely associated with another problem which is the Savior Complex. “I can make things better. I can fix this. He can change as a person.” Frankly, nothing of that is real. You’re just fueling this jerk’s asshole problem.
FEAR OF ENDING UP WITH SOMEONE WORSE also falls into this category. We understand that people tend to get comfortable even in the worst of situations. For instance, think of the time when you are looking to change your apartment but are too lazy because it takes too much work or are afraid because you might witness problems with the place once you move. This is precisely the same situation.
However, you don’t know what the grass on the other side looks like. Take the opportunity and use it to explore your options.