Why We Put Up With Jerks

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The Jerks in our lives may be the reason for our daily headaches and heartbreaks, but a few of us still manage to keep them around longer than they deserve. Why do you ask? Well, the reasons for that might be deeply rooted in your psychological behavior but thanks to a Stanford Professor and Author you are going to get all your answers mentioned in the points below.One of the biggest reasons why we fail to kick these people out of our lives is DENIAL. We continuously keep lying to ourselves that it isn’t as bad as it looks. “Maybe I am over thinking.” We also try to tell ourselves that things are better than before which again isn’t exactly correct. Sigh! Here is a clue to accurately determine the time when things seem to be as bad as they are. Believe us when we tell you that when you find yourself asking this question you’re probably already there.
Next is FALSE HOPE! Being an optimist is a great thing, and you should be proud to be one. But honestly, some things are just not going to get better with your belief. The jerks in your lives are programmed a little differently than you and have already adapted the skill set that has helped them take advantage of you on several occasions before.
Then WAITING FOR TOMORROW. “She is going through a tough time right now. I will leave once things are a little stable.” These jerks have developed the habit of getting themselves into uncomfortable situations. In fact, that is where their behavior lands them each time.
If you keep waiting for things to get better or a ‘little stable,’ then you might as well remain forever. You, my dear, have the battle to fight and to procrastinate it is just going to make the enemy get into a better position.
The next reason is SELF RIGHTEOUS SUFFERING. “No relationship is perfect. At least I have it better than so many people so I really can’t complain.” Self Righteous Suffering is terrible for you in so many ways. Honestly, just because some people are unfortunate to have it worse than you, that does not mean you stay in a traumatizing relationship with this person.
In a relationship, everyone deserves peace of mind, someone to laugh around at the dinner table, and someone who will fight your demons with you, not someone who sucks the entire energy out of you.
This is closely associated with another problem which is the Savior Complex. “I can make things better. I can fix this. He can change as a person.” Frankly, nothing of that is real. You’re just fueling this jerk’s asshole problem.
FEAR OF ENDING UP WITH SOMEONE WORSE also falls into this category. We understand that people tend to get comfortable even in the worst of situations. For instance, think of the time when you are looking to change your apartment but are too lazy because it takes too much work or are afraid because you might witness problems with the place once you move. This is precisely the same situation.
However, you don’t know what the grass on the other side looks like. Take the opportunity and use it to explore your options.

17 thoughts on “Why We Put Up With Jerks

  • July 30, 2019 at 6:42 pm
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    Ive never left my opinion for anyone to hear but lets go this guy is a social idiot and clearly knows jack about humans we are all imperfect its how we are made and if someone is wanting the other person to stay the way they were they are delusional you cant stay 20 your whole life everyone changes as we age as life effects us and as far as the savior or hope thing hope isnt a tactic it just hope it takes hard work forgiveness everything that makes us better human beings if people would have the communication skills that it took to express their true feelings there would be no jerks or bitches all i know is if you didn’t try all of that truly then look in the mirror whos the jerk because its so much easier to blame someone besides our selves and if you didnt put that work in you never loved that person to begin with so whos the jerk guess who

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  • June 16, 2019 at 4:23 pm
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    Know i can’t fix him, i know things will never be right, I’m old enough to know better; yet i go back after awhile just to have a few moments of what i thought was true heaven on earth, sometimes it last three days sometimes an hour, but it always ends ugly, i think that makes me more sick than him!

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  • June 8, 2019 at 5:19 am
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    Ya know, we dont need to be told why we put up with jerks. Its because 1.) We need them for something, or they are benefitting us somehow. Or… 2.) We love them. Yep. That stupid feeling I wish didnt exist… but tada! That’s y we put up with jerks. Otherwise, we wouldn’t. Ever. So, Be CAREFUL LOL

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  • March 14, 2019 at 9:10 pm
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    Personally, I think we (women) choose someone similar to our fathers, that were also jerk’s!
    Hence the cycle continues.

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  • March 4, 2019 at 8:04 am
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    No relationship is perfect… This thought process is why everybody gets divorced. U have to work at it real life relationships aren’t going to be your childhood fairytale no one has this type of relationship smh

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  • July 23, 2018 at 12:56 pm
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    Something psychological? Can’t they explain this more easily without getting into something that involves studies and scientists.

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  • June 22, 2018 at 1:17 pm
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    I’ve been putting up with my horrid boyfriend for two years and I honestly want to be able to do something. But to be honest…there is a part of me that still loves him.

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    • January 30, 2019 at 12:34 am
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      Makes me feel stuck an helpless that’s not me don’t like what this relationship costs me

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      • February 6, 2019 at 3:07 am
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        I honestly can say I definitely feel your pain .I’m 46 years old and I never in a million years thought that I would even for one second tolerate the things I’ve been through the last 3 years myself.

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    • April 28, 2019 at 10:24 pm
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      I know exactly where ur cmg frm

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  • June 11, 2018 at 7:37 pm
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    I really don’t get how some people can just put up with this.

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  • May 16, 2018 at 6:38 pm
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    That is what we, the worried best friend, have told our more clueless best friend, and yet they still refuse to listen.

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    • January 23, 2019 at 8:48 pm
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      You also have to watch that ‘best friend’, bcz you never know just exactly what anyone is REALLY thinking…

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      • March 7, 2019 at 8:49 pm
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        That whole thing was RICH. All of it: Truth and Fact. Lying to ourselves, for the biggest part of the problem. Too bad they don’t teach THIS, in school!

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        • May 14, 2019 at 10:40 pm
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          I think many just settle. Not knowing what love really is, they just take who they can get. They think “love” is over-rated and being in love is craziness!!! Then there are some that believe they have too much invested in the relationship to get out. It’s just easier to stay. Another words… They take the easy way out, even if it means being treated badly. They may focus on those handfuls of good times instead of the countless bad times. Many even believe they can help change them back to the person they were when first together. Then there are those that rather be with someone, no matter how bad they are, because it beats being alone. They think living a life with someone that makes them miserable can never be as bad as living a life of misery alone.

          Reply

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