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Do you remember how it feels to get a ‘no’ at a job interview? Or have you recently been forced to face a disappointment even though you had high hopes? You might want to try out the ’20-minute rule’, because next time something threatens to kill your resolve, it might be your savior.
The 20-minute rule, better explained, is a simple hack that helps you grieve your losses quickly, and move on. So when something disappointing happens, you technically have 20 minutes to grieve. These 20 minutes are very important because it actually determines when you’ll get back on your feet after being knocked down.
Many successful women open the freezer, grab a drink, listen to some really depressing tunes or just think about and mourn over what they have lost, set a timer, the timer goes off on the 20th–minute mark; they get up and give it another try.
“The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough.” That’s a quote from Randy Pausch’s The Last Lecture. So remember that the only thing your losses are able to do is help you define who you are–either good or bad. They force you to choose the type of person you want to be when adversity strikes.
It’s one of the most unrealistic expectations – thinking that life is always going to be a smooth ride. So mourn your losses. You must and you should, but you should also do it productively. So what are some great ways to enjoy that 20 minutes? Let’s see some great ideas.
Call a friend
I have found that venting is a great way to let out frustration and anger. So don’t withdraw into a bubble. You’ll find that those 20 minutes of ranting will only bring you relief.
What have you lost?
Learn from the loss. Try to see what you didn’t do well, what you failed to do, or what you would have changed. This is great, especially when you get constructive criticism with the rejection.
If you find that writing down your feelings is your thing, do it. This will also help you live through your grief in a healthy way.
Listen to music
Listen to a few sad songs. Drink some tea or coffee, and let yourself think through the lyrics. Especially since music can be pretty dramatic, think about what the person going through the song…I bet what you’re going through is less severe.
The last part of this rule is to clear anything that’ll remind you of the bad news. Some people decide to delete messages, burn letters or just mark it as important, while others decide to archive it. Whichever works for you, removing the dent, cleaning the slate and starting all over is the trick.